Missouri calling Madras – The Hindu

Respected Madam/ Sir,

Tensions means tension like anything in the domestic situation. For two days total sleep of Mathrubootham household is less than 15 hours. Both myself and Mrs. Mathrubootham are sitting and watching TV nonstop. When she is sleeping, I am watching. When I am watching, she is sleeping. What are we watching? Whether it is IPL? How dare you? Is it TV serial? Never never never. Is it non-stop playing of Lord of the Rings DVD that my son sent from U.S.? I want to watch but Mrs. Mathrubootham will not sit for even 15 minutes. After five minutes, she will say what nonsense this is? Whether barber shop is there in Middle Earth or no? Everybody looking like Head and Shoulders advertisement. Grumble grumble.

No. No. No useless things. We are watching U.S. election programme.

Madam/ Sir, what a country is America? If you sit and think it is crazy-o-crazy. Which country is sending man to the moon? America. Which country is sending one missile to shoot other missile? America. Which country is winning Nobel Prize in physics, chemistry, biology and all like Kamalam winning housing complex carrom tournament? AMERICA.

But which country is also counting votes as if teaching babies in nursery class? Also America. Nonsense country.

Ten-fifteen years back. I think I was working in Nagercoil branch. One local convent school Father came and said Mr. Mathrubootham school is doing one special programme to teach children about grown-up life. Whether you can come and teach about bank account, loan and all such items? I said, Father, no problem, it is my pleasure.

Madam/ Sir, what pleasure? Pleasure is eating ras malai from Ganga Sweets and watching Suhasini movie. This was not pleasure but total disaster. First, I said, hello children I am from bank. In the bank we are taking, keeping, and giving money. They said ok, show us money. I said so sorry, I only have ₹10 in purse. They said why you don’t have any money? I said what is the need to carry when I can keep it in the bank. They said ok, how much money you have in the bank? I said, sorry children, it is private information I cannot share. Then they said, ok, how much money you can give from bank? I said, as much as you ask for. They said ok can you give 5,000 crore? I said, no children, that much money is not there, bank notes will finish.

They said, can you make photocopy of bank notes? I said, no children, RBI governor will be upset. Then one fellow got up and said hello I am James. Whether you can give money to RBI governor and tell him please let me do photocopy? Maybe he will allow.

At that moment Father came and said, okay thank you Mr. Mathrubootham. If we want to discuss such topics, I will invite father of James, who is in senior management position in Chennai underworld. Thank you.

But what I was saying? U.S. elections. Why we are watching so avidly? Because son in U.S. has put one new idea. He said, Appa-Amma, if you are selling flat then why you want to waste time in Chennai? Please come to U.S. and stay with me. Please think. It will be good change in lifestyle.

Mrs. Mathrubootham said, okay, fine we can think about it. But first this Papaya President should go no? Otherwise who knows what and all will happen in the U.S. in next 3-4 years. Whether we should take risk? Never.

So we are watching and watching election programmes. Nebraska. Mangattha. Arizona. Larisona. Ohio. Oho.

You are having some updates? Please to send.

Yours in expectation of emigration,

J. Mathrubootham